...I reluctantly obeyed

I have a plan for the flow of this blog. There are specific items I want to share with you, and a very special order in which they must be shared. I have epiphanies, a few revelations, several "how have I not figured this out yet!?" moments, all in outline form, carefully written on my bathroom mirror using super cool window markers. It's impressive.

But.....

Today, the script is irrelevant. Since the very SECOND I posted this blog, things have gotten crazy. Crazy good. Crazy God is so good, crazy. I've known He's been at work all along, but my goodness is He working overtime and in tangible ways. Let's do this in chronological order, shall we?

• Posted blog
• Received wonderfully warm feedback from people, near and far
• Received a few job leads, two of which lead to interviews
• Had quick sit down chat with Job A
• Got call back for Job A, second interview and a job offer!!! Elation. Joy. Relief. Time to pray.....
• Had an interview for Job B....no offer
• Created pros/cons list of Job A versus WAITING. I prayed and LISTENED. The message I heard was NO. Don't take this job. Don't force it.

The internal dialogue went a little like this: How in the world can you afford to turn down a job?! Take it. Do whatever you have to do to take care of you and the kiddo. It's not perfect and there's that little piece of you that is uneasy. That's just fear. You can do anything you set your mind to doing. Wait a minute. You do that all the time and chaos, stress, regret tend to follow. You choose something that is "close to right" and decide to tough out the rest. Do it differently. You said you wanted to do life His way. Do it. Listen and OBEY.

As I listened....I clearly heard Him say "I've got this. You are going to be just fine. Relax. Let me take care of this."

I turned it down.

I cannot describe how difficult that was to do. I cannot describe how relieved I was, either. I cried like a baby. A scared, relieved, trusting cry. Ok, God...I don't like it, but I'll do it. Much like a child,  I submitted  because my "daddy" said I must.

• Two hours after declining the job, I opened the mail to find an unexpected escrow refund check. ($$$)
• I cried again. Thank you, Jesus. 
• Two hours after I went to the bank (You know I drove straight there!!) Job B called to offer a position. 
• Pray. Pros/Cons. Listen. Obey. 
• I declined Job B. 

It was easier to do the second time around. I'd had practice with Job A and was riding high on this new assurance that Yes, He would absolutely provide for me. It's so much easier to be BOLD when you hold that truth in your heart.

• Temp boss asks if I can stay on an extra 3 weeks. Thanks again, Jesus. You said you had this taken care of, and you sure do! (I haven't told you that I'm at a little temp job right now. Fraction of my previous pay, no insurance)

Have any of my titles or circumstances changed? No. I'm still sitting in the 40-single-unemployed spot. (well, underemployed, which believe me, feels the same)

What has changed is my faith. My trust in Him to do what He says He will do. He did not provide in the way I thought He would. I thought a job would be the answer. He is not working on my time frame. I've moved my "have a job by now" deadline several times. This temp job has been extended three times....

 He is beyond a shadow of a doubt my security and provider.

Before all this took place, I would say those words. I believed them in my head. Very rarely did I act on them. Very rarely did I "walk the walk". I chose to obey this time and I feel stronger, calmer, more confident. Where's the chaos? Where's the stress? It's gone, along with me doing things my way. How?

FAITH built from obedience.

Thanks for walking with me, (after these last two weeks, let's walk slowly. I'm tired!)
Debi

**PS Remind of this next time I think I'm super smart and know what to do.

**PS again: With all this "doing it God's way" and everyone offering support and job leads...I find it curious no one has attempted to set me up on ONE date. Not one. I guess you all know that a mere mortal man couldn't come close to "fixing" all of this. You guys are smart. I was kinda sorta hoping a sugar daddy would come and kill two birds with one stone, if you know what I mean (I joke, I kid.....)