It was a Wednesday morning at the end of July. I left my job
two and a half months before and was a month from the termination of paychecks.
This summer morning, opportunity called me on the phone. A friend who works as
a recruiter, offered me a temporary job that could turn into a full-time
position. I would answer the phones, redirect email leads, file folders, and
other office-related tasks. It was an
hourly position and I would need to start today.
Today?!! My first response was No. I wasn't looking for a temporary solution to
unemployment. I didn't have childcare for my daughter (who was still asleep
upstairs), and let’s face it….it wasn't glamorous.
I took a deep breath. I prayed. I called a dear friend for
wise counsel.
By lunchtime, I was in the office, being trained on proper
operating procedure of a multi-line phone.
As my mentor worked
with me, she repeatedly asked if I was overwhelmed. She wanted to make sure I
was catching on, and if I could manage the tasks being introduced. I wanted to
laugh!! She didn't know my background. She had no clue about the daily
take-take-take of my previous job; the endless demands on my time, my mind, my
spirit. She was unaware of the sleepless nights studying for a certification
program. She was oblivious to my juggling act of working, running a
household, being a parent, going to school, being heartbroken…. No, honey…I've
got this!
As she returned to her duties, a huge wave of peace came
over me. I recalled my prayers during those dark times. I had asked for
reprieve. I had asked for a “mindless job where I don’t have to care about
anyone or anything”. My prayers had been answered. This was perfect for me, for
right now. God did indeed provide! It wasn't how I’d imagined it, but it was provision.
The first few days were great! I couldn't stop smiling, I
was just so GRATEFUL for being there! Making Avery file folder labels,
directing phone calls, and sorting through mail had never been so exhilarating!
Then, about a week into this experience, I became unsettled. As a school counselor, I was seen, I had a
presence. People sought my advice, knowledge and skill. I felt important. How
could THIS be important??
“They should know I
can handle more than this” became part of my thought process. “I work about an
hour out of the eight hour day….literally. They should be using me to my
potential. Do they really expect me to sit in this claustrophobic cubicle all
day?”
WHAT??! Good grief! As
I listened to myself I became ASHAMED. How could I go from elated with relief,
to ungrateful and greedy in less than a week?! Pitiful!! Let me just say, when
God starts working on you….it ain’t pretty! In fact, it can be excruciatingly
painful! My sinful nature was being exposed and it was UGLY! But I knew I had
to take a hard look at it.
As I pondered my flawed soul, I realized that these should’s and ought to’s were not foreign to me. Somehow, they always emerge,
causing turmoil. I realized I had allowed them to morph my previous dream job
into a nightmare. Somewhere along the way I had become PRIDEFUL, ARROGANT, and
SMUG. I suddenly saw that perhaps it
wasn't the job, the students, the supervisors, the workload…maybe it was ME!! (Granted….parts
of the job were completely unrealistic, but this is my redemption story, not a
complain-about-the-nature-of-my-old-job story)
I was embarrassed. I had to repent and ask forgiveness. I
had to work on my heart…and fast! I said so many Thank You’s and Forgive Me’s! I
had to ask about God’s will and not focus on my emotions:
Answering the phone is
important because______________________.
I can be influential
at this job by _________________________________.
I can serve a purpose
at this job by _______________________________.
Is there a person or
situation in this office that needs God’s grace and affection?
In this temporary
situation, how can I use my time wisely, effectively, and for the benefit of
others?
How can this faceless,
small, quiet job be used to glorify God?
Quickly, everything changed. Gratefulness returned. Joy
resumed. God’s truth and love were louder and more prevalent than any
haphazard, negative, sinful thought.
It’s been almost three months since that Wednesday morning
phone call. I wake up every day glad to sit in the cubicle all day, happy to be
the first impression to customers, joyful to love on my co-workers. I am able
to be still in this period of time, grateful for this time of calm healing, and
know that God has shaped my heart and will always, always, always provide.
I discovered I don’t have to be “big” or “loud” or in the
spotlight to have a purpose. I could spread light to one person at a time. I
can show grace to one caller at a time. I can model dignity in these
“small” circumstances, because it’s not about the circumstance, or the size of
the stage, or my realm of influence. It’s about learning to…
*Look for His grace in unexpected ways.
*Have purpose and shared God’s love in small, subtle ways.
*Be the hands and feet of God anywhere, anytime, in any way…..If
I’ll let Him.
Thanks for walking with me,
Debi
